I'm Not Crazy
by ice shredder
Summary: "The opportunity was right in front of me. So I took it, even though it was taboo." Shou Tucker's POV. T for safety. Now a multi-shot with various characters! ON HIATUS.
1. Chapter 1

**Title: I'm Not Crazy**

**Fandom: Fullmetal Alchemist**

**Author: ice shredder**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing**

**Warnings: none**

**Summary: "The opportunity was there in front of me. How could I resist? It's just science. What's the big deal?" Shou Tucker's POV. **

**Enjoy guys!**

I'm screwed.

Assessment's almost here. And I still have nothing to show for it.

I sat at the kitchen table in the dark, holding my throbbing head. Trying to contain the pipebomb Brigadier General Basque dropped on me just the other day via Mustang.

_"Remember assessment day is coming. I look forward to it."_

I clasped my sweating palms under my chin in an attempt to quell the anger and stress from Mustang's message. The nerve of that womanizing stair climber. Easy for him to say; _his _alchemy's at the snap of a finger.

_What does that corporate suit know of slaving to produce research results? Perform delicate trasmutations? Take down copious notes that nobody else can produce?_

The room's dimness mirrored my mood to a tee. Dark. Brooding. Merciless. What I told those nosy boys earlier was true. I can't go back to being poor. So I'll do whatever it takes to pass-

_Whatever it takes, eh? _

I embraced the sinister thought like a long lost lover, sinking into its comforting arms. What? I'm not crazy. That's a label _normal _folks slap on things their puny minds can't possibly begin to fathom in a million years.

Yes. All I need now is-

"Daddy?"

Nina's innocent voice did nothing special like stir parental affection. All it did was solidify what needed to be done. In the name of science, some things take last place.

_There it is. _That soothing voice whispered. _The ingredient to your success. It's right in front of you. Take it._

Slowly as if some other entity was manipulating my limbs, I rose from my chair and mechanically knelt in front of my tiny test subject. _Why didn't I see this before? My first guinea pig was too rigid, too set in its ways. But a child is much more...malleable. Clay is best shaped when wet._

I pulled this soft, impressionable lump into my arms. "I'm at the end of the line...Nina." Oops. What I meant to say was my meal ticket to fame_. _Riches. Glory_._ Praise from the Furher himself. Unlimited funding.

"Daddy? Do you hurt?"

_Hurt? _I turned to face her in all her sweet, trusting glory. _The only person who's gonna be hurting is me if I produce a substandard creation. Besides I promised the boys I'd show them a talking chimera. One that's capable of understanding human speech._

I led the little lamb and her mutt downstairs to my lab. I mean...I _did _promise I'd play with her.

Everything was ready. Exactly the way I'd left it the night before. The walls, ceiling and floor were decorated with alchemic symbols and annograms required for the chimera ritual. I felt them hum in anticipation, and I could hardly wait to begin the ancient, haunting chant. Everything had to be perfect.

I was all too eager for them to accept my latest offerings.

"Hold Alexander still Nina," I ordered and she complied. Such an obedient child, things are running a whole lot smoother than last time. Book in hand I began reciting the powerful magic that would make my dream a reality.

The circle glowed yellow, then as my voice gained momentum and strength the reaction changed to a hellish red light. Human screams mixed with terrified howls. My voice grew harsh and loud as if a demon had clawed his way up from hell to finish the satanic combination. Then I slammed the sweat-stained book shut, the last syllable leaping from my tongue in a perfect clip. Peering through the acrid smoke that hung like a shroud over the burnt out transmutation circle.

_Did it work? I'll lose everything if this blows._

Then I saw it. My masterpiece. _I'll be worshipped! People will flock to me in droves and I will show that I'm leagues better than that prodigy._

Now for the true test. I walked over and knelt in front of my meal ticket. "Listen to me dear. I'm your daddy."

The chimera gazed at me with dried glue white eyes. _Come on. Speak! _Sweat trickled down my back trapping my shirt against my clammy skin. Then...

"Dad..dy."

I exhaled in relief. Science wins again. _I can't wait to see the looks on those boys' face when they see what I, Shou Tucker_ _the Sewing-Life Alchemist have accomplished-_

_WHAM! WHAM! WHAM!_

_What the hell is this kid's problem?! He's a scientist for cripes sake...he of all people should understand this is for the progression of the human race...to better ourselves weaker specimens must be sacrificed..._

I felt my lip split open, tasted my blood trickling down my chin. My head throbbed from being bashed against the wall repeatedly and I lost my glasses in the frenzy. Not that I care. He can scream and rant and rave about toying with people's lives till his face turns blue and it won't change anything. It's cute really, watching him attempt to deny the truth. I closed my ears to his empty threats. This fool committed the same sin I did and he's got the balls to stand there and attempt to play the judge? Preach about ethics? _Really?_

Hypocrite. Feel free to remove the plank from your own eye first.

I caught glimpses of it between punches that my Nina-chimera put an abrupt stop to...such a good, sweet girl...in those furious golden eyes. The same insatiable curiousity that drove him and his stupid baby brother to break the rules. Cause deep down in the pit of his miserable core this fool knew what he did was wrong. I crumpled to the floor unable to wipe the manic smile from my face. Why should I? He's just jealous that's all. Yeah. Jealous. Jealous of the fact I performed a successful bio-chemical transmutation...one that in all his genius, he failed to accomplish. Granted I wasn't doing something retarded, like trying to play God...but still. It doesn't change the fact we're exactly the same.

His screamed denials were music to my ears. Get over yourself boy. Does it really matter what motivated our actions? Forbidden fruit is always the sweetest the most tempting. And since the opportunity was right in front of us, we both plucked from the tree and ate. We're the same! We're exactly the same you fool!

I kept throwing that truth into his face, grinding the salt further into that jagged wound ripped across his heart. Besides they can't do anything to reverse the damage. When the self-righteous tools finally left I released a satisfied breath. I crawled towards my glasses, snugged them over my eyes. Washed and bandaged my face. I peered out of the window. What? Why are there MPs standing around? Whatever. I guess there's nothing to do but wait, so I pulled a chair from the corner and sat down facing my chimera. My precious meal ticket. I don't have to worry about going broke ever again.

They're not seriously gonna _arrest _me, are they? So those boys commit taboo and all they get is a slap on the wrist and near unlimited funds? What kind of sick, twisted reasoning is that?! HOW IS ANY OF THIS FAIR?! Why is nobody capable of understanding me?!

I'm not crazy. Those Elrics on the other hand-yeah...they've lost it, or at least the older one's well on his way...hehehe...yeeeeah. His mind started cracking the night those idiots 'transmuted' Mommy dearest. I can picture it now: _waaaaah...h-how we gonna live w-without her b-brother...waaaahh WAAAAAHH... _I'm relishing the fact that fool's losing his bloody mind. Not like he needs any more help there...but I live to serve.

Oh and while we're at it? Screw those mama's boys to the highest levels of sorrow, pain and regret. They deserve to drink every last bitter drop. When you're _that _arrogant and commit the unforgivable forget any sympathy from me.

I'd laugh if it wasn't so pathetic. _Little Al starting the ultimate trainwreck...tsk, tsk shame on you boy...this is all YOUR fault-you planted the seed in Ed's fertile mind and now you're reaping what you've sown-_

Lightning flashed and before I knew what was happening I saw a large foreboding outline of a tall dark-skinned man with a large pale X-shaped scar on his forehead standing in the doorway. My gut started churning. Something's not right. _How did he get past the MPs? Impossible! _

He walked toward me with purpose, his voice filled with gravel and malice...and _why won't my legs move?_

_"Foolish alchemists who stray from the path of God-"_ His right arm crackled and I realized too late he was the State Alchemist killer. His massive hand almost swallowed my entire face.

No! Don't touch me-!

_"-shall be punished!"_

A horrific burning pain rushed through me and I felt myself spiraling toward a yawning abyss.

**RxR? I'd appreciate it a lot guys! :) I might turn this into a multi-shot.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks to the awesome reviews on my first chapter, I'm gonna reward y'all with another. This one's from Edward's POV. I don't own this awesome show. Enjoy!**

Whoohoo! I passed the final leg of the Alchemy Exam! Youngest State Alchemist in military history. Oh yeah...who's the man baby!

I smiled till my cheeks hurt, almost forgetting where I was, wanting to skip the rest of the way to the Tuckers, but that'll give Colonel Sarcasm and Hughes infinte amounts of blackmail. So yeah...no.

I couldn't wait to show Nina and Mr. Tucker my new watch. Then we could play together as promised. Alexander can come too.

I_ suppose._

Finally me and Al can make headway on the Philosopher's Stone and getting our bodies back. And we owe it all to Mr. Tucker letting us pour over his GINORMOUS library.

As we approached the wrought iron gate enclosing the Tucker estate the sky grew grey and forboding...an ominus sign that, in hindsight, I should've paid closer attention to. But I was caught up in the excitement of my unheard of accomplishment to notice.

Besides, Tucker promised he'd show us something special.

I pushed the unanswered door open and stepped through, Al's giant steel frame shielding my back as we walked the halls, searching for signs of life. The house was cold and silent. No human voices greeted us, or that dumb mutt dropping out of the sky to flatten me. That he hadn't made an appearance should've sent alarm bells off but again, I was too relieved NOT to be a human pancake for once. Maybe Nina convinced her dad to keep him penned up...

Every sliver of light in the house looked like it'd been sucked out, and I sensed a dark _wrongness_ emanating from the double-doors of Tucker's lab. My insides began to churn the closer we got but I shoved the queasiness aside. Gooseflesh broke out on my skin and every instinct screamed at me to flee. _Don't open that door. Don't expose yourself to the horrors inside. Your mind will never recover-_

I pushed the lab door open. Saw Tucker crouched down in front of an odd shape that I couldn't make out at first in the dark. The lab was freezing, and it felt like a tomb. But the way the wavering light caught in his round glasses obscuring his vision...his flat monotone, slight manic grin...the bestial shape of a chimera sitting silently at his feet...was wrong.

_Noooooooooooo!_

How could he?! I trusted him...lived under the same roof...shared his meals...played with his daughter...

Sometimes, I hate it when I'm right.

I screamed. My glove was stained with blood as I bashed this...this monster's crazed face in against his own wall, breaking his glasses. Like hell we're the same. I'm nothing like him and I would've killed the douchebag if Al hadn't grabbed my wrist. Not enough to hurt me but it served as a warning. It pierced the red haze clouding my eyes.

_Nina I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry...please forgive me...I couldn't save you...I should've SAVED you both..._

My entire body shook with rage. _I'm not crazy..not like Tucker. I just...this isn't right! Alchemy isn't...we don't DO THIS SORT OF THING!_

_But you did it anyway. _

No.

I watched Al stroking Nina's shaggy head apologizing as she asked if we could play, drained and numb. Helpless. Pissed beyond belief.

Tucker cradled his watch in his hands. Exulting he could remain an alchemist. Furious I kicked the device out of his hand. Watched him scuttle after it like a damn insect.

_You two are exactly alike. _My conscience taunted. _You knew human alchemy was taboo but you were arrogant enought to attempt it anyway. So who are you to judge?_

_Shut up! I didn't kill anyone for selfish gain! just wanted to see Mom's smile again..._

_IT DOESN'T MATTER. YOU AND AL PLAYED GOD AND GOT BURNED. BADLY. SO CRY ME A RIVER LITTLE BOY, YOU AND YOUR IDIOT BROTHER DESERVE ALL THE PAIN AND MISERY THE WORLD HAS TO DISH OUT._

I released an anguished howl. There's nothing I can do to restore Nina and Alexander back to normal. I kept crying barely aware of Al's leather gauntlets on my shoulders as he guided me back through the dim hallways, past the forlorn front door, the vacant yard accusing me. _You shoulda seen the signs boy and ya didn't. Now it's too late._

I needed to put as much distance between me and this haunted place as I possibly could. The rain beat down in torrents. But Al didn't release his grip on me. He kept me upright. He held me together. I don't remember the walk to headquarters. I hardly recall my mumbled report to Mustang. My mind was numb and sluggish. Much like it was after my automail surgery when we failed to revive Mom.

I'd never escape the nightmare, the pain of this atrocity committed against an innocent little girl and her dog that thanks to a human monster's madness, would never get a chance to live.

Justice has to be served, somehow. For Nina's sake.

Al's still here with me. I need him somewhere close by me at all times now, especially at night when my sleep is wracked with night terrors. His soft, gentle voice was there to soothe my frayed mind. Sometimes, when it gets really bad, I slip out of bed and crawl into his lap. Let him cradle me in his massive steel arms. I know the nightmares can't touch me then. It's safer there.

It transported me back to the days when we were innocent and our smiles, especially mine was free of cynicism and Mom was alive and our bodies were whole and we knew nothing of the Gate or Equivalent Exchange or the twisted science behind creating chimeras and the horrific price of human transmutation. Right after I bonded his soul to an unfeeling suit of armor after our failed attempt...

_Nina. _

_Mom. _

_Al._

_I'm sorry._

My distressed whimpers must've roused Al from his meditative state because next thing I knew I was being lifted out of bed and brought into his protective arms. He sat there on the floor, gently rocking me back and forth murmuring soothing words.

_"Hush Brother. It's just a dream. Nothing's gonna hurt you while I'm here."_

**END**

**A/N: Hey SuperSexySaiyan! This little gem's for you! :)**


	3. Chapter 3

So Brother passed the final leg of the Exam. I knew he would. If I had my body I'd be smiling like crazy. Maybe give him a big hug...but I'm still unsure how much pressure to apply. So I settled for a gentle squeeze on his shoulder.

I was proud of him. And I always will be. Look at him waving his shiny new watch around like a child on Christmas morning. We're another step closer to getting our bodies back, and we owe it to Mr. Tucker.

Brother took his sweet, easy time walking back to the Tuckers and I didn't blame him, being cooped up in headquarters all day. Hehe, he looked like he was gonna start skipping. That woulda been a sight...hmmm come ta think of it he never skipped when we were kids. He was always _running. _Moving forward well before it became his life's creed.

I spared a glance at the sky. Weird. It was sunny a few minutes ago looks like we're in for another storm. I shrugged my shoulder plates. Not our first one but maybe if I wasn't so busy letting Ed talk my nonexistent ear off I woulda been better prepared to brace him for the nasty surprise that waited for us at Tucker's place.

But I'm getting ahead of myself. Excuse me.

We'd arrived at the gate closing the massive estate off from the public. I noticed the yard was empty and as we walked across the flagstones leading up to the front door and Alexander hadn't dropped out of the sky to flatten Ed.

I guess Nina was able to get her dad to corral him.

We entered after a warning knock. Nina didn't come running to greet us. Or Alexander. Or Mr. Tucker. Something doesn't feel right.

It doesn't take a genius to figure that out.

We called out for them but was met with eerie silence. I don't like this. Brother doesn't either.

The lights. Where'd all the lights go? I drew closer to Ed's back half-expecting something to leap out of the shadows and attack us. The floorboards creaked under our feet as we passed empty stairwells and closed doors. Something awful just happened. It's like...I dunno...we've walked into a dungeon or a morgue. Ed started shivering as we approached Mr. Tucker's lab. I wished I could pull him into my side, offer a bit of comfort but he was pushing the lab door open.

Oh God.

Oh my GOD!

Mr. Tucker...please Brother it can't be true...Nina. MR. TUCKER HOW COULD YOU DO SUCH A HORRRIBLE THING?! I thought you needed the money to continue your lifestyle with Nina...I trusted you, Ed trusted you...Nina was your DAUGHTER!

Why?

_Why?!_

I snapped out of my trance long enough to catch Ed's wrist. No matter what I won't let you become a monster Brother. You're better than this. Don't stoop to his level.

I know it's easy to kill someone. I'm a lover by nature yes, but I won't hesitate to protect my own. Or show mercy when that happens.

Crazy? You wanna go there? I was crazy enough to NOT stop Ed from reviving Mom. I went along because I trusted he knew what he was doing. We broke the rules cause we were young and foolish and we just wanted to see our Mom's smile again. Not for money, or power or fame. I'm not crazy. Brother isn't crazy. We made a tragic mistake. And we're trying to fix it. Make it right. That's all.

Brother isn't bad. Or a murderer.

My phantom heart shattered as I stroked Nina's shaggy head. God I haven't been this helpless, this useless since I woke up and found Brother half-dead and bleeding out on our cold basement floor rushing him to Granny Pinako's to save his life.

We can't change her back. Even with all our power, there's some things science can't undo. I'm sorry baby girl. I'm so sorry. Forgive your big brothers.

Ed's anguished scream pulled me away from Nina. I gave her one final apologetic pat before moving to tend to my shaking brother, his right white glove stained with Tucker's blood. He was sobbing uncontrollably and I clamped my gauntlets around his shoulders doing my best not to hurt him before steering him out of the lab. I retraced our steps but this time it felt longer. Ed continued to bawl, giving voice to his horror and despair. The sound was raw and frightening and all I could do was brace him. Give him an anchor in the midst of his sorrow and rage.

I'll never forget it.

The walk back to the Colonel's office took forever. I had to support most of Brother's weight. He was near catatonic as he gave Mustang his report but I didn't release my hold on his shoulders till we reemerged outside in the pouring rain. Only when he sat down on a drenched stair did I let go.

His nightmares got worse after that and if I wasn't guarding his back or close by in whatever kind of room we secured, he'd panic. Scream. Thrash around in blind terror. Most nights I'd be able to calm him down with soft words and holding him till he fell back asleep. But some were worse than others. When the dreams got really bad he'd tiptoe over to where I sat, blanket in hand and crawl into my lap. It's gotta be tough. My armor is hard and cold but I make it work. I have to.

I've got ya Brother. You're gonna be ok. Don't you cry no more, nothing's gonna hurt you while I'm here. Not even your own mind.

You're safe with me.

**Man oh man. This was a pain to get out. Much as I love Al, he's tough to write for one reason: he doesn't have a body. But what's writing without a challenge?**


	4. Chapter 4

I hate State Alchemists.

Their very existence and the practice of those demonic arts blasphemes God, the Creator of all things.

Ever since my people were massacred in the Eastern Rebellion, I made it my personal duty to hunt down and destroy as many of them as I could. An eye for an eye.

Luckily my right arm was more than up to the task. One that, as a agent of God's vengeance, I never grow tired of.

I'd just finished blowing the Iron Blood Alchemist's brains out. Freakish weapons specialist who was responsible for many Ishvalan casualties. Basque Grand. 10 down. Next victim.

More.

I needed more.

With each one of these arrogant dogs I left in a bloody heap my sense of justice grew stronger. The world made sense. It won't bring my people back from the dead but at least, in some small manner it gave me a sense of closure.

I wasn't some crazed lunatic. Far from it.

It's these alchemists who believe they can do whatever they want. Twist God's creatures into grotesque forms that are a sin against nature.

Like that monster who called himself the Sewing-Life Alchemist. Shou Tucker.

I saw the pitiful abomination he'd created with my own eyes. He had the audacity to challenge me. Stupid fool.

I took great pleasure destroying him. Out of all my kills, this was by far the most satisfying.

There was nothing I could do to reverse the horrific fate of this poor, innocent soul who was once two separate beings.

So I showed it mercy. Better than becoming a test subject and honestly...what kind of life could it lead?

Crazy?

No. I'm perfectly sane.

But that foolish Elric boy, that brash Fullmetal Alchemist...does he know the meaning of the phrase 'shut up'?

I was close. Inches away from taking his miserable life. After a brief scuffle-which they quickly learned they were no match for me-it was over. Instead of continuing to fight me he chose to lay there in the middle of the street, soaked to the skin and begged me to kill him as long as I left his little brother alone. Fine by me. The younger Elric was in pieces and he wasn't going anywhere.

The Fullmetal reminded me of that poor chimera.

Hopeless. Lost. Depressed.

Suicide by my hand.

I reached for that defeated golden head ignoring the younger boy's frantic pleas for his brother to run.

He screamed and cursed at me to stop but I blocked him out. Standing over his pathetic form, his cursed automail right arm scattered over the cobblestones, he looked smaller. A child trying to play in an adult's world.

Just a little more-

Thanks to that gunshot by Roy Mustang (another filthy ingrate I knew his accursed flames well) I was _robbed._

When that Strong Arm Alchemist showed I couldn't believe my good fortune. God must truly be smiling down on my quest to put these fools into my path. But when the military showed up I had to get away. But not before he complemented how good I was dodging his fist.

Trapped against a wall facing a barrier of guns I slammed my palm down, blowing a massive hole into the street and escaped into the sewers.

I'd be crazy to stick around. But I'm not sorry I killed those alchemists.

_They're _the crazy ones.

Not me.


	5. Chapter 5

Humans. What a bunch of miserable pathetic creatures. They suffer chronic short-term memory loss and thus are notorious for repeating their mistakes. I believe the correct term for this is 'herd' mentality. Large groups of stupid sheep that need a strong hand to keep them in line.

I don't envy how weak and stupid they are as a species. Why on earth would I desire returning to an inferior state? For my line of work such frivolity is out of the question. The commanding of an entire nation requires that I function at peak performance at all times. Things like emotions and feelings take second place, I simply cannot afford to spare the energy necessary to care for such trivial matters.

In the sixty years I have been alive humans never cease to amaze me how easily corrupted they can be, or the fact they insist spending time forming bonds. Yet another wasteful exercise.

I don't get it. Bonds are for the needy, the weak, the helpless. This alone provides the fuel I need to remind myself and my fellow Homonculus we are merely weapons in Father's hands to be deployed as he sees fit. Powerful emotions like love mean absolutely nothing to me. But for some odd reason it drives those pathetic humans to pull off incredible feats. However, this is something I've observed: when love is involved it can cloud one's judgement. Make one hasty. And those who rush recklessly into battle are _asking _for an early grave.

The Elric brothers are prime examples. So is that young pup Mustang. And that meddlesome fool Hughes. I'm glad Envy disposed of that garbage. Personnel need to know their place. And Mustang just gave me the ammunition I needed to keep him in check. His precious First Lieutenant. The look on that meatbag's face when I dropped that little bombshell was priceless. Men are so predictable in this arena: threaten their loved ones and their need to protect kicks in. An irritating DNA flaw that us Homonculus have used against these idiots many times over. It's quite amusing to watch them scuttle about like cockroaches. I derive my greatest entertainment watching such foolish antics.

If he's smart he'll stop pursuing the top brass and by extension, me and Father or he'll be visiting the graves of two dear friends instead of one.

See what I mean about bonds? Love. Friendship. Family. All these make humans vulnerable and therefore, easier to exploit. The fools are less likely to step out of line if their loved ones are at stake.

But back to Hughes for a minute. If he'd been a good little boy and kept quiet then maybe I would've spared myself the headache of a military funeral. I was forced to stand there and _pretend_ to care about this maggot and I was very hard put to it indeed. I wished his wife and daughter stayed home and didn't attend, that annoying little brat of his just wouldn't _shut up. _She cried the _entire time. _Those two female maggots (weak, annoying, fragile, stupid, silly meatbags) were lucky. A crowd was there. It took every ounce of self-control I possessed not to flash across the plot and run them both through with my sword.

See, this is the pathetic end result of love. It turns people into sentimental fools. Makes them soft. Fiercely protective. Prone to jealousy, which I discovered, is an ugly side effect of married life. Trust me, that is _not _an attractive trait in any species. Good thing I don't have to fret over such idiocy. Quite frankly if someone _tried_ to dictate with whom I was allowed to associate or not I'd kill them.

I swear, if everyone went about besotted and silly nothing would get accomplished. Give me power and cold logic over heart and soul any day.

The sight of dead bodies piling up around the country, carving crests of blood into the soil, preparing the land for creating the Philosopher's Stone. Working tirelessly to make Father's dream of becoming God a reality. These things bring a surge of joy that humans would never understand. They usually don't but that's okay. It works to our advantage that they don't use their brains and the ones who do-like Hughes-need to be eradicated so we can move forward. As long as most remain in the dark our plans remain relatively undisturbed.

I believe humans have a special word to describe the above mentioned way of thinking.

Insanity.

I beg to differ.

Father's plan is pure genius at its best.

So what if a few million souls are sacrificed for the cause?

They're just puny insignificant humans.

Creating the Philosopher's Stone is all that matters.

But until then I have a nation to deceive and a military to run.

Oh yes.

It feels _so_ good to be King.


	6. Chapter 6

I want to become Emperor. But first I need to obtain absolute power, not for me but for the sake of my people.

When that bearded monster offered me a Philosopher's Stone I jumped at the chance. Who am I to refuse such a generous offer? After my servant lost her arm for my sake I wouldn't be able to look her in the eye again. What kind of man would I be then?

But it seems those who seek immortality pay a steep price.

I've seen the cost firsthand. The Philosopher's Stone doesn't come cheap and it has its own brand of horror beyond even the worst nightmares. Friends, family, even innocent strangers all suffer. Blood and pain and darkness awaits those who choose this road. A lesson I'm learning the hard way.

But I'm a prince of Xing for cripes sake! I wouldn't have it any other way. I've prepared my entire life for this one moment.

Unless you submit to the Stone, like I did, words can't even describe the raw agony I went through. I thought I was going to die for a second or two.

Then _he _came. A demon who retained his identity in that roiling mass of torment and despair.

Greed.

He demanded the use of my body and I surrendered it on the spot. It was all his, to do as he wished. My instant acceptance threw him off. He told me most rejected him but I didn't care. Our goals were one in the same-kind of-and besides, he IS avarice incarnate.

After that it was over in a flash. I'll never forget the sight of those elongated fangs opening wide, revealing an intense white light. I stood there spreading my arms wide in welcome and his essence rushed over me and then-

Oh? What's that? You think I'm mad. Why would someone willingly open themselves to a monster's embrace? Why take the risk?

Well, I suppose a sane, _rational _being would think this. I don't blame them. But then again, most won't rise above their allotted station in life, which I think is a terrible waste of potential.

Don't tell anyone I said this but I...well...I've gotten so used to Greed sharing my body that I'd feel...I dunno..._empty_ inside if-

No. _No. _He can't leave me. I won't allow it!

Happy thoughts, happy thoughts, happy thoughts...

Anything but _that._ I still need him if I'm gonna rule Xing. Hopefully my reign will last a long, long time. We're in this together.

_Yo, pissant. _

_Shaddup. _


	7. Chapter 7

My ambitious desire to become Furher started quietly one hot morning in Ishval. Back when my eyes were clear and bright and full of idealistic zeal to change my country. I was following orders-many of us were-against our will. But in order to survive, we (I) were forced to turn off our humanity.

I went to a very dark place after the war ended. Only Hawkeye pulled me back from the edge I was teetering on.

Don't listen to the screams.

Ignore the stench of burning flesh.

Show no mercy.

Don't hesitate.

They're just a bunch of stubborn sheep and it's not against the law to kill animals.

No.

NO!

The whole war was staged from the beginning. It was wrong. I should've spoken up. Should've run away when I had the chance. Shoulda seen the truth sooner. But I knew nothing. None of us did.

I think Major Armstrong was on to something when he refused to stain his hands further with innocent blood. But all his conscience did was earn him a one-way ticket to disgrace. It's an ugly sight when a human weapon loses his stomach. But that's the risk that comes with the silver watch.

Nothing more than a leash.

I hated it. Still do.

It's like a rope around my neck. A noose.

That's when I looked up, connected with Bradley's stone cold gaze and decided to reach for the sun. I swore I'd be the Top Dog one day. Hughes supported me without question. The others fell in later but he was the first.

And then he died. He left his girls behind. Left _me. _And the others. _How_ am I gonna tell Fullmetal and Alphonse? _Should _I? This'll crush 'em. I can't do it.

Elicia crying for the men to stop burying her papa is something that'll haunt me forever. I'm sorry Hughes. Please forgive me, I didn't see it in time I shoulda saved you. That should've been ME in that coffin. Not you. It's not fair!

But don't worry. I'll hunt down the culprit who killed you. And I won't throttle my flames when I do.

And then there's Fullmetal and his brother Alphonse.

Those boys are something else, lemme tell ya. _Especially _the older one. Piece of work and a half but I'd rather see his eyes ablaze with anger than that dull, lifeless look that belonged on a person twice his age when I first found him sitting in a wheelchair guarded by the gentle, yet indomitable spirit of his little brother housed in a steel prison. I can work with anger. Naturally, this means no other person can foam at the mouth and talk back to me like this kid can. But please, for the love of God, do NOT tell Fullmetal I said that. His ego doesn't need any more inflating. Quite frankly, I see no difference between the two. They're both bigger than HE is.

Ahem. Where was I again?

Oh. Right.

Anger.

Anger is fire.

Anger is passion.

And who am I to put that out?

But left unchecked, it can turn into a deadly raging inferno that devours everything in its path and who cares who it destroys along the way?

But that means he hasn't completely died inside.

He hasn't checked out of life.

He hasn't turned the switch off.

It's his way of telling me he's still here, still alive.

That's why I'm always cracking stupid jokes about his height. I can't lose these boys. Or let their secret get out. I couldn't live with myself and to be honest, _someone _has to raise them. If word got around my newest and _youngest _subordinate and his brother had broken taboo it's curtains for them and I can kiss my dream and my military career goodbye. Not to mention my team will take serious heat for hiding a pair of criminals in plain sight. As long as no one looks too closely or questions the validity of how Fullmetal came to be the proud owner of an automail arm and leg or why Alphonse is an empty suit of armor we'll be okay.

I hope.

Oh and in case you're wondering, no I haven't lost my sanity just yet.

But if I do...

Please.

Don't look.


	8. Chapter 8

Bradley's a dead man. I'm not joking.

He sent us to hell. Ishval.

I figured it out. I know what he's gonna do. What he actually IS. Who's REALLY running the nation and I guarantee you it ain't our so-called Furher President.

You wanna know what he is? He's a monster. During my time in the trenches, in the burning heat of Ishval I kept getting a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach. Toward the end it all made sense.

We'd exterminated a race of people who didn't deserve it, just on account of their skin and their religious beliefs. All because the higher ups wanted immortality and they'd slaughter thousands of innocents without a second thought to obtain it. And the whole thing was wrapped in the patriotic package of 'national security'. Quite the handy catchphrase when it benefits a select elite and leaves everyone else to suffer and die.

I knew none of the other State Alchemists would believe me. So after the massacre, I turned in my pocket watch and joined a group of dissenters. Picked up a coupla new tricks along the way, and that's when I discovered Xingese Alkahestry.

I had to stop Bradley. Whatever it took, I was gonna send him straight to hell for his crimes.

So I infiltrated Central. Plan was simple.

Draw the transmutation circles at night.

Make Central HQ the target.

Ice Bradley.

Leave.

But Iike in Ishval, things never go according to plan.

Just when I finished drawing the last circle, the Fullmetal brat and his tin can brother showed up to save the day. Par the course with these fools, they've got no damned clue just how rotten their military is and who's really controlling it from the shadows.

Anyway that idiot blond _shrimp _kept badgering me about the Philosopher's Stone. I just smiled.

Fool.

Simpleton.

Screw your little quest. There's a bigger picture going on and I got no time for childish fantasies.

So when they confronted me on top of my ice wall, and I blasted the armor's head off I saw the blood seal. Didn't take me long to figure out what him and his stupid dope of a brother had done.

Human transmutation. The unforgivable sin. Soul binding. Another risky technique.

See this is why I _hate _arrogant dicks like them. They think they're soooo special with their genius skills, when the reality is they bit off more than they could chew.

Well, _congratulations_ on being the biggest pair of fools walking the face of the earth.

I was about to complete my mission but they kept at me.

Morons. Idiots. Childish fools both these kids and Mustang's the worst of the bunch.

Corrupt.

Rotten.

These corrupted power hungry dogs can go to hell and die along with their fake commander-in-chief.

Speak of the devil.

He's here. Wonderful!

Spares me the hassle of finding the douchebag.

I summoned a blood spear, drawing straight from my life's blood. Grinning like a madman.

Oops did I say that out loud?

I'm so NOT crazy.

I rushed the demon standing like a basilisk in front of me.

DIE YOU EVIL SON OF A-

I didn't feel the bite of twin steel blades until it was too late.

Blood sprayed.

My strength failed.

I fell.

I'm sorry.

I just...wanted to...save...my country...


	9. Chapter 9

Ed hardly calls or writes to me anymore. I mean ever since he got his State license him and Al are gone a lot...and I'm left worrying about their safety and when he's gonna just show up with his arm in pieces...grrr. My _masterpieces _smashed to smithereens and most of the time, he won't _tell _me _why. _

Before that awful night...when Al burst through the door in a suit of armor carrying Ed in his arms, blood everywhere...when they tried to bring Auntie Trisha back to life...we spent every spare moment together. Playing tag in the fields. Swimming in the river. Catching fireflies on summer nights. Gazing at the breathtaking diamond-strewn night skies...

But those days are long gone.

Gone forever. Thanks to the war, a lot of kids had to grow up fast. That included all three members of the Resembool Trio.

My parents were killed in Ishval. Auntie Trisha died from the Sickness not long after. Left Ed and Al orphans and completely devastated. I can still hear Al's tearful whimpers. Ed standing in front of his mom's freshly dug grave, silent and stoic, lost in his head.

As a doctor's brat, I always heard about the old saying 'death comes in threes' growing up but I never believed in it. Until Mom and Dad and Auntie Trisha died.

Looking back the signs were there.

The boys stopped paying attention in school.

They buried themselves in their dad's research books.

They _shut me out. _

_That_ part still stings. But I wasn't an alchemy freak like them. It wasn't my world, or a language I was fluent in.

I wish I made more of an effort to reach out.

It got to the point when they came to class they were whispering alchemic equations and formulas to each other instead of focusing on the lessons. Started getting real secretive about what they were doing. I got on their case about keeping secrets, but it didn't do any good. Gran even scolded Ed once for mentioning human transmutation, saying it was a forbidden science and alchemy wasn't a magic end all answer to life's problems.

It couldn't cure death.

I can't believe I was so stupid. So blind. So ignorant. If I'd just paid more attention...maybe went up to their house to check on them more often this wouldn't have happened. I think that was part of the problem. They were young, brilliant boys who missed their mother and couldn't live without her. Aside from them coming over to eat Grandma's delicious beef stew, they went largely unsupervised. And they gave into their grief by committing taboo.

I wish those stubborn boys listened to her. Wasn't Auntie Trisha's memory enough? They had me and Grandma and Den! They weren't alone!

But it wasn't enough. They did the one thing science can never do. Every time I think about being forced to peform emergency surgery on my best friend, it makes me tear up. That's why I bury my grief and pain in crafting the best automail on the planet. If I let myself dwell on that horrible night and the day soldiers came to our door with a letter of condolence I'll go crazy. I can't afford that.

Too many people depend on me, especially Ed, and I don't want to let him down in any way.

So I work. And worry. And pray to any higher power that might be out there to be kind to my boys. They've suffered enough.

They're not bad people, just good guys trying to fix a tragic mistake. I hope they're safe.

Otherwise Ed's getting a wrench to the head the next time he comes in for repairs.

Right. Cause, yanno that's what normal, _sane _girls do.

But I'm not normal. Or crazy. I'm Ed's _mechanic. _And he's stuck with me for life whether he likes it or not!

**A/N: Okay guys first things first. Sry about the LOOOONG wait and short chappie, but life's been crazy busy and as much as I like this fic updates are gonna be on an 'as I go' basis. Which means I'm gonna hafta write these when the muse hits, cause they've gotta capture the characters personalities and voices just right. Thx to ****AmyNChan**** for her support these last few chps, it means a lot to me! :)**

**See ya next time!**


	10. Chapter 10

Hawkeye's in one of her moods again. I swear, Mustang lives to procrastinate. Not that I blame him, but if he wants to be the next Furher, he's gotta be a little less lazy on the paperwork.

I need a cigarette. Heh, when _haven't _I needed one? They've always been the one thing I can count on to be there besides the inevitable shouting matches Mustang seems to instigate with the Fullmetal Chief.

Not that I'm complaining. The Chief's a huge bundle of energy wrapped all in black and that bright red jacket of his. Okay, look. Mustang might have a death wish with all those short jokes at Ed's expense but c'mon, even I'm smart enough to draw the line but _he_ gets carried away. Hence the Boss' legendary rants.

Which are loud.

And obnoxious.

And headache inducing.

And the reason behind many unregulated smoke breaks.

I feel sorry for Al always restraining Ed from lunging over Mustang's desk and pound him into bloody paste.

It doesn't help that the Boss doesn't have an indoor voice. Personally...I don't think he knows what that means.

Kid or not, he outranks me so I made up my mind when he became certified, to treat him with respect at all times. And he's got an _automail arm and leg _for God's sake!

I'm not _that _crazy. I'd like to keep my teeth-along with the rest of my face-in one piece thank you very much.

But I wasn't prepared to become a cripple at the hands of a drop dead sexy demon I knew as Salorien, my new girlfriend. Mustang told me her name was Lust.

A homonculus.

This can't be happening.

I'm seeing things right?

Why?

Why does every time I date a girl they end up stabbing me in the back?

It's not fair. What did I do to deserve this?

I want nothing more than to get out of this damn hospital bed and help the Chief and Mustang take down the corrupt regime and this 'Father' character but I can't. I hafta remain useful. Maybe I can't physically fight but I can help in other ways.

My family store serves more than food and drink yanno. I can run weapons and ammo as rear defense.

Yeah.

Sounds like a plan.

I won't let my friends and country down.

But seriously. When this is all over, all of us-including me-deserve a pay raise.


	11. Chapter 11

When Mommy ran away, I didn't get _why._ All I remember was Daddy yelling at her one night to be patient, to wait a little longer then we wouldn't have to worry about money ever again. But Mommy was very upset. She cried. She said she couldn't wait any more. She had me to think about and Alexander too. We were very poor and Mommy was worried about making sure I had clothes to wear and lots of yummy food to eat.

I hid behind Alexander the whole time they were fighting. I was so scared. I felt warm water rise behind my eyes. It wanted to fall but I refused to let it flow. If I let the waterfall go, I wouldn't stop.

I just wanted them to stop yelling. I wanted them to kiss and make up and then things would go back to normal.

Then Daddy stopped and turned toward us. The cold light outside filled his glasses turning him into something mean and creepy, but maybe I was imagining it. He told me to take Alexander and go up to my room. I got up and pulled on Alex's collar, shaken and teary. He whined as I almost dragged him out of the room.

The yelling stopped not too long after I hid under the covers in my small bed. _See? _I thought. _Mommy and Daddy are fine. Everything's fine. _I fell asleep, too tired to realize I'd never see my mommy again.

Daddy was brimming with energy the next day. He pulled me aside when I kept asking where Mommy was. He knelt down and told me the reason I couldn't see Mommy anymore was that she ran away. She couldn't stand being poor and went to live at her parent's house. But he assured me he wasn't leaving. We weren't gonna worry about money anymore.

He pulled out a pretty silver watch and dangled it in front of my face.

_"Look Nina! Daddy became a State Alchemist today! This watch means we're never going hungry again!"_

He was so excited I couldn't help but give him my biggest, bestest smile. If Daddy says something is true, then it is. I have no reason to doubt him.

...

Days passed. Daddy started spending less and less time with me. There weren't any other kids my age to play with and Daddy didn't really let a lot of people into the house because his work was very delicate. He let it fall into a state of bad neglect, leaving dishes stacked in the sink for days, books piled and strewn everywhere collecting dust and spiders. Only the public rooms were kept in some form of order.

And I spent most of my waking hours playing with Alexander while Daddy locked himself in his lab studying or working on his projects. Although...I wish...I wish someone would come and play with me. So every night after Daddy tucked me in-sometimes he forgot when he was super busy-I prayed someone would come play and help take my mind off how lonely I was in this big, big house.

Then one bright sunny day the doorbell rang in a long, loooong time. Alexander barked and rushed downstairs. I ran as fast as I could after him and nearly collided with Daddy in the hall. I heard a boy's loud yelp and a thud. My eyes grew wide. _Oh no! Alexander jumped on someone! _

Daddy and I reached the door at the same time. I felt a surge of incredible happiness at the sight of the little big boy with shiny gold hair and his bigger armored brother.

_"Wow! We've got lots of visitors!" _

The happy words burst out before I could stop them. Daddy looked down and scolded me for not keeping Alexander tied up. _Why would I do that? _I thought, unable to stop smiling. _He's excited to see new people! _I hadn't smiled this much since Mommy ran out.

I found out the boys' names were Ed and Al, the Elric brothers. I was excited to learn they were gonna stay over for a while. Little Big Brother was looking for a way to get Al's body back just as Bigger Brother wanted to fix Ed's. So they needed access to Daddy's research. But they soon lost themselves in Daddy's huge library reading lots of big books. I felt the sadness coming back. I wanted them to play with me but I knew Little Big Brother had a big goal to reach. I tried to stay out of their way, but my lonliness got the better of me and I wound up trying to get their attention.

I got Bigger Brother's first. He was so gentle and kind that I forgot he was a giant suit of armor. I wasn't afraid of him one bit. We played horsey for a minute before I heard Little Big Brother stomp over. He started yelling at Bigger Brother and waved his arms around. Alexander came out of nowhere and flattened him.

He was really mad, but I told him that was Alex's way of saying he liked him. Which was rare considering I was the one he stuck by at all times. I ended up telling them how nice Daddy was and that Alexander kept me company. But I admitted Daddy spending more time in his lab because his assesment was coming up made me feel rather lonely.

We ended up going outside for fresh air and more play time. It was fun! Little Big Brother clapped his hands together and a pretty blue light came out! That was soooo cool! We played till Daddy called us in for dinner.

He explained to the boys how poor we were before he got his State license. I sat by the fireplace stroking Alexander's soft coat listening to him talk. When he said he couldn't go back to those days I told him it was gonna be okay. If the higher ups said no, Alexander and I would go scold them until they said yes.

Then Daddy said the best thing yet.

_"Hey Nina, do you want to play with Daddy tomorrow?"_

Overjoyed I leapt into his arms, not noticing the icky smell of sour sweat clinging to his clothes. Daddy was finally taking time out of his busy schedule to play with me!

...

It hurts.

Why does it hurt?

Where's...all this pain...coming from? I'm so cold.

Alexander? Where...is...Alexander...?

Why is everything...so dark?

Am I...going crazy...?

Where's...Big Brother Ed? I'm scared. What's happened to me? I need...my big brothers...to come. This isn't fun anymore. Ed...where are you...?

Then I heard it. Al's tinny voice greeted Daddy as he opened the lab door. Thank goodness! My big brothers finally came! Ed knelt down in front of me and I took comfort in his presence. He always made me feel safe. But deep down, I could sense something was wrong. Very, very wrong. The way I sat, the weird way my body moved, the deep guttural words coming out of my mouth scared me even more. I don't sound like that!

Ed must've figured something horrible out because next thing I knew he had Daddy pinned against the wall with his right arm. The metal one. He was yelling about how he used his wife two years ago and now this time, it was me and Alexander-

Wait. What's he mean _now? _ My head sunk even lower and if I had the energy it would've touched the floor. But my neck was longer. Just like...

_Alexander! _Suddenly everything made sense. My doggie...Daddy fused us together...I remember now. The big circle he had us stand in. Those dark, scary words he read out of a small book. A flash of dark red light...then pain. Lots and lots of pain. Does he mean Mommy used to be like me? She didn't go live with her parents like I was told? She...Daddy _killed _her to get that shiny watch?

A horrible thunk jerked me out of my pain-muddled thoughts. I watched helpless as Ed beat Daddy's face in with his metal hand. I saw red stuff fly and smelled it instantly through my new nose. Blood.

_Stop it! _I thought and believed I heard Alexander growl with me. _You're hurting Daddy! _

With all my strength I hobbled towards him, just as Bigger Brother stopped Ed from punching Daddy again. He looked down at me in horror as I spoke only two words.

_"Ed...ward. No." _All my attention was focused on the man who raised me and had pretty much murdered me, but I felt no anger. Only a deep sadness. I kept asking Daddy if he hurt. My words must've broken through Ed's anger because he let Daddy slump to the floor a bloody, broken mess.

Al knelt and softly began stroking my head. Sadness and regret tinged his voice.

_"I'm sorry. Even with all our power, we can't change you back. I'm sorry. I'm sorry."_

And somehow, way down deep, I knew he was telling the truth.

So I looked up hopefully and asked him if we could play.

Ed let out a loud, despiring wail.

The room grew colder when they left. I didn't want them to go. I didn't want them to leave me with this scary monster, but there was nothing they could do. Whatever Daddy did to me, they couldn't undo. So I watched Daddy pick his broken glasses off the floor. Wash and bandage his face. Then he dragged a chair into the middle of the room and sat down in front of the big picture window. Thunder lit up the dark room and rain beat against the glass.

I sat across from Daddy, mute.

_"I wonder why no one understands us Nina." _

I don't know either Daddy.

Then I smelled a strange scent enter the room. A large scary man stood in the door, dripping wet and smelling of danger.

_"You, you're Shou Tucker correct?"_

His voice was deep and rough. Daddy scrambled to face him, demanding to know who he was.

_"Alchemists who stray from God's path will be punished."_

What? What's he saying?

His big hand shot out and grabbed Daddy's face. A current of deadly blue light sizzled and he dropped Daddy to the floor. The smell of blood was stronger and I couldn't help but get up to see if Daddy was okay.

I nuzzled his finger. He wasn't getting up. He wasn't moving! Get up Daddy! Please! Get up!

_"Daddy's hurting." _For some reason, that scared me big time. Big fat tears welled up and since I didn't have any hands to wipe them away, they fell like rain to mingle with his blood. Alexander's whine mixed with my distorted voice. _"Daddy hurts. No Daddy..."_

Then the big man spoke again but this time his deep voice held regret.

_"You poor thing. Once you have been given this form, it is impossible to separate you again."_

I felt him approach and place his large hand over my deformed head.

_"At least, your passing will be in peace."_

Please. Make it stop. It hurts so much.

I felt my scalp boil as the lightning surged through my body.

The last image before I hit the floor dead was me and my doggie playing in the front yard with my big brothers.

I hope they'll be safe.

**Wow. Episode 4 (7 in the original FMA) was one of the most traumatizing things I'd ever seen in my life. I thought I'd seen it all, but the Nina-chimera haunted me long after it aired on TV. I was numb and felt like someone kicked me in the ribs. But anyway I hope y'all enjoyed this! **

**Tell me who ya want to see next! There's a lot to choose from. :)**


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